CONTROLLING BEHAVIOUR

CONTROLLING BEHAVIOUR

Hamish controlling behaviour has taken many forms and I will list some of them:

1. He discussed my hairstyle with my hairdresser without my knowledge. I found out quite my accident when my hairdresser let slip that Hamish had asked him cut out certain layers in my hair and try to keep away from ‘the common look’. I challenged him and he denied it and then subsequently owned up and explained that it was for my own good and that he felt he was just trying to assist me in achieving a more sophisticated style.

2. We were invited to a shooting dinner the night before the shoot at The Roxburgh
Hotel in Kelso. While travelling down in the car Hamish made various remarks regarding my trousers. I was wearing a beige pair of smart suede trousers. He believed this was very common indeed. I explained that they were a good fit and cut but he continued to remark on how only ‘common people wear suede’. We arrived at the hotel and I changed for dinner. I dressed appropriately, long skirt, blouse etc. Our host was Andros Stakis and all the guests were our shooting crowd. We had a very pleasant meal and after proceeded to have our coffee in the drawing room. At about 11.00 pm Hamish jumped to feet and announced that he was going to bed early in order to get up early in time for shooting. I was sitting beside our good friend Robert MacNeil. Hamish walked over towards lobby and tried to attract my attention. He pointed to the clock and paced up and down. Robert caught sight of Hamish and whispered to me to stay as long as wished as this was as much a social occasion for me as it was for Hamish.

Hamish was still standing waiting in the lobby. I took Robert’s advice and continued my conversation. About half an hour later I politely retired and made my way to our bedroom. Hamish was in bed, wide awake and looking extremely annoyed. He began to harass me and delivered a long lecture on what was good manners. He told me that I was being very discourteous to him and that I was showing him up in a bad light and that I should be ashamed of myself for letting the side down. It was important that I realised that when he left the room that I should follow. Basically I had disrespected him and that our friends would consider me to be extremely rude.

I had explained to Robert that Hamish was not too happy about last night and Robert tried to talk to Hamish but he was quite off-hand at breakfast. I have to say I felt very embarrassed and felt I should apologise for his behaviour,

3. I discussed with Hamish the possibility of going on holiday with some girlfriends. Ruairidh was two years old and I had part-time help. Hamish was very unhappy with this and remarked that it was rather odd that I chose to go on holiday with females. I pointed out that he went away for a week at a time with his shooting friends I did not mind – in fact I actively encouraged it because I believe it to be very healthy in a relationship to have time out. He insisted that it was not a good idea and that ‘the boy needed me’. He ranted on and on and on until I just gave. He pointed out that I would have to ask him for the funds if I wish to go anywhere in the future. REMEMBER I ONLY HAVE AN ALLOWANCE WHICH DOES NOT COVER HOLIDAYS AND TRIPS.

4. Attending various balls and dances. Hamish does not allow me to dance with other men. Over the years this has improved slightly. There was one occasion when we were invited to a black tie evening at the Fruit Market with First Scottish Searching. The CO asked me to dance and Hamish refused on my behalf. I spent evening standing beside Hamish talking with various people. Beryl Tough witness to this particular incident

5. If I do venture out in the evenings Hamish has a habit of telephoning regularly.
He just keeps going on in a relentless fashion. He wants to know who I am with, when am I coming back etc.

6. I sometimes used to visit Beryl Tough in Dunfermline. He constantly telephoned with various excuses

7. Sometimes when I visit my parents or my brother he will call several times and by that I mean more than 2/3 times. I do call him if I have to give him a message and talk to the children but I am trying to switch off when I am out.